The First Post

My first post!

This has been a long time in coming—probably too long.  I’ve toyed with the idea of blogging for some time and always found a reason to talk myself out of it.  Truly some of my “reasons” were legitimate at the time.  For example, after Tres was born I kept telling myself there was just no way I could dedicate the time to blogging when I wasn’t getting any sleep and had to manage three small children during the day.  While this was the case for several months and I really don’t think I could have consistently set aside time to think and write and put energy into a blog after Tres’s birth, she is now FINALLY sleeping through the night.  I feel like I’ve got my energy back, and that sliver of alone time between my husband leaving for work and the kids waking up once again exists.  That sliver is where this blog fits in.  Almost everything I’ve done up to this point, has been done in that narrow time frame.  It’s amazing what you can accomplish in a short time when you’re focused and chip away at it a little every day.

Before having my last baby, the reasons that prevented me from getting this gig going were various and usually boiled down to time commitment.  When I worked full-time I told myself that I was busy and didn’t need to heap anything else on my plate.  Looking back, I realize that I only *thought* I was too busy.  To be sure, life was fairly demanding then.  But when I compare that segment of my past to now I wonder how I was ever able to get it all done then (or maybe I didn’t and just blocked that part out of my memory). 

Anyhow, if I’m being honest, the true cause of why I didn’t start this journey earlier is fear.  I don’t like to fail and there are a lot of ways this could fail.  Maybe this blog won’t resonate with anyone and won’t accomplish what I’ve set out to do.  Maybe I’ll waste a lot of time and money setting up.  Maybe I’ll blur that line between work and home to the point there is no distinction.  See. Lots of fears.  The biggest fear I have, though, lies completely with me.  Do I have the stick-to-itiveness?  If I start this, I want to see it through.  I want to have something I can look to and say to myself, “See what you’re capable of?”  Not something I try to forget about because I didn’t give it a good try and left it undone.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if folks don’t receive this blog with open arms.  Even if I pour time and money into this project and nobody likes it, I know it’s not the end of the world.  I mean, it would stink for NOBODY to appreciate it or find benefit in it, but I can recover from a blow of that sort.  As far as the work/life balance goes, I *think* I’m the sort of person who self-analyzes often enough to help prevent trouble or quickly fix things if they get out of whack.  The thing that would haunt me forever, though, is the great What If?  If I don’t do this right (by that I mean giving it the time and attention and pieces of me it needs), I will forever wonder what I could have produced.  I hate that feeling, and I’ve let that fear stop me from doing a great number of things.  My justification has been that if I don’t start, I can’t fail.  That’s a very comfortable but unproductive attitude.

So here it is.  Me fighting that fear of failure.  Who knows?  Maybe this undertaking will grow the courage within me to tackle those other things I’ve planned or dreamed of but never started.  I’ll be sure to let you know!

wildish child the first post dee signature with heart

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